when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
