Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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