I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I could fuck to npr.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
