spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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