About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we're making bets on your personal life
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
