at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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