I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
