yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
