chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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