My nipple is on Facebook.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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