ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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