I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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