I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you would pick up someone in the library
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
