Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
