I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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