Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
