i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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