): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
