you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
