I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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