in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
