Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
