He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your cock deserves a montage
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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