1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
