I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
