My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
