dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
