I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
