I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
