God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
