it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
