I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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