just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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