Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
