how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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