hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
