Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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