I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
