If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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