And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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