sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
do herpes really smell.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
