Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
