I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
