he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
