she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
