its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
