Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
