So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize