Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
