My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
