I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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