Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize