I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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