pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
