I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
