My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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