She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
