don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
