The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
