this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
