I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize