Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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