arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
