Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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