Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
