Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
