i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can I color on your dick again?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
