Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
God, I missed his penis.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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