Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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