i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we're making bets on your personal life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize