were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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