The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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