Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
