Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
