Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got inside last night via doggy door
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
