god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
