I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
