He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
