shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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