allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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