saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
