Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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