so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
