i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
