i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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