i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
