...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mom said you looked used
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
