After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize