so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
