i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
