I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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