Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
