Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
