I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
