Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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