Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
