If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
