I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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