you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize