Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
