He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
