I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
