I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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