Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
