remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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